Love is the answer

Time flies! A little too fast sometimes!

2010-04-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ok. Ok. So I know that I've been a horrible blogger, but I promise I will start doing better.

Here is the cliff notes version of my current situation!

1. My best friend, Tanya, flew in a week before my wedding and surprised me! It was AMAZING!
2. I watched General Conference. I am in absolute aww of how much I love watching conference.
3. I had a wonderful bridal shower (photos to come).
4. I had an absolute whirlwind of a day, which resulted in being married to the man of my dreams :)!! (photos to come) All I can say about being married, is that it is truly amazing! My love for Andy grows daily, and it's so amazing to only have to say goodbye for a short 9 hours while he goes to work.
5. Andy and I went to Cancun, Mexico for our honeymoon. This was absolutely the most fun, relaxing time of my life. (photos to come)
6. I moved into our townhome in Huber Heights, Ohio. (photos to come)
7. I spent A LOT of money from gift cards from our wedding (so fun!).
8. I cook, clean, organize and decorate each day while Andy is off at work.
9. The result of not having internet or cable yet is driving me a little crazy, leading me to apply for jobs like a mad woman! Pray for my efforts!
10. Andy and I are looking for a new car - what a process that is!

Ok, I promise to start posting pics soon of all the above events. It's just when I only have an hour at the library online each day (why such a limit?!) it's hard to squeeze blogging in while I am trying to apply for jobs (remember the urgency of this for my sanity? hehe)

Anyway, overall life is so great! I am truly blessed, and I must say, I have the greatest, most supportive, kindest, most patient husband in the world!

Update on my mom

2010-03-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

So, it's a month before my wedding.. and you'd think that I'd be stressing about the cake, the decorations, the dress (that I still don't have), the ceremony, the weather in april in Ohio (which last year was warm but now looks like will be a winter tundra), etc. But, instead, I have been overwhelmed with stress and sadness in my immediate family.

In the last two months I have gone on the roller coaster of grief, sadness, love, excitement, joy, blessings, sadness and more grief with my grandfather. But, if I thought that sadness was bad, I had no idea what was in store.

A little over a week ago my mother sat me down and tearfully told me that her health was not well. I'm not going to go into the details of that conversation because it was sacred to me, really it was. It was a conversation I know I will always remember. But also one that I will always lead me to tears.

To make a long story short, last Monday she ended up on the heart specialist floor of Riverside Hospital. After a few days of tests and meeting with various doctors, she was prescribed a medication. She's now home, and while she tries to look strong and act as though she is feeling better, I know my mother. And she is not feeling better. I've tried to take care of her. I've tried to stay strong.

I guess more than anything it has truly made me realize how grateful I am for my mother. Throughout my life she has been a best friend who has never let me down. She has made me laugh and dried my tears. She has driven and flown thousands of miles, spent thousands of dollars, and spent countless hours on the phone with me well into the night just to be sure that I am ok. I can't think of any friend of mine who wouldn't attest to the fact that my mother is one of the sweetest, kindest, most caring women in the world. She, however, takes care of all those around her before herself. I suppose this is where I get it from! And true to form, she is trying to act like her health is fine. She only wants to concentrate on my wedding and all the planning. She says this should be a happy time, and that's what she wants it to be.

So why can't it just be that?

Why can't it just be a happy time?

You know, I've always heard that when it rains it pours. But this is getting a little excessive, don't you think? I mean after my job catastrophe in North Carolina, then my grandfather, and countless other little things.. I thought that it would be impossible for anything else to go wrong.

I was wrong. It's pretty sad when you don't want the next day to come because you are scared to see what is coming next.

Please continue to pray for my mother and my Grandpa Coffman, who calls often trying to get me or anyone else to "break him out" of the nursing home. If all goes as planned, he gets to go home Wednesday.

Despite all negative, I'm trying to focus on the positives --

1. Andy and I went to visit my sister Julie in Saint Louis. I've always dreamed of going up in the Arch, and it was sold out when we went.. but I still got to see it and see my sister, which was very nice! It was great to see her lovely home and the new life she has built with her husband Caleb. Added bonus? It was nice to drive and just talk to Andy without the outside clutter of the world. I love him and his neverending love and comfort :) I've been so impressed by Andy. I'm surprised he hasn't turned and ran after seeing all of my bad fortune the last few months.. but he hasn't. Instead it's been quite the opposite. He has been an amazing support, and I don't know what I would've done without him.
2. Andy and I found our first home :) After days of frustrating searches at gross apartments and condos, we found the most amazing town home in the most amazing area.

sigh oh lauren, can we trade lives?

2010-02-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

You all know I love Lauren Conrad. I loved her on Laguna Beach, I loved her on the Hills, and I loved her first book LA Candy. I'm DYING to read her second one soon :)

Ugh.. if only I could look like her and have a book deal like her!

Wedding dresses = evil

2010-02-11T14:03:00.000-08:00

Ok. So as I was looking at past blog posts I hate that all I do is complain on this darn thing.. so I promise that after this I'm really going to stay strictly positive. But, I just don't know what to do.

My wedding is in 58 days. And guess what?! I don't have a wedding dress?!

How is this possible you may ask? Trust me, I don't know. I mean I am the girl that people always ask to go wedding dress shopping with me because 1. i know fashion and what's in style and 2. i know what looks good on different body types. I counted and i literally helped 32 brides in the past 6 years find a perfect gown. All 32 of them looked perfect. Their dress fit their body perfectly. They looked.. and felt.. amazing.

I don't know if it's because I'm short, or if it's because I have the biggest butt in the universe, but NOTHING looks good on me. I have tried every designer, style, accessory, etc. that you can think of. Trust me, I have.

A literal quote from a woman I worked with in North Carolina about a dress I tried on in her presence: "Alicia, I just don't get it. All wedding dresses make you look huge. Not flattering at all. Maybe you should just wear a regular dress.. make it more casual, you know?"

I'm starting to feel like I need to just settle on a dress. But who settles on a WEDDING DRESS?!?! WHO?! Me apparently :( I actually bought one but I just can't do it. I can't wear a dress I feel horrible in. I can't do it. I tried it on a few days ago and had an absolutel melt down to my mom. And, she knew I was right. She knew it wasn't flattering.. so she said we will keep looking.. but the problem is TIME. We have no time!

I'm just upset I suppose because even though my whole life I literally feel ugly every single day, I always dreamt of my wedding day. The one day when I would feel gorgeous and be proud of my body. Ugh. I'm just getting so discouraged. I would do ANYTHING to find just one dress that looked even ok on me.. forget good.. just ok..

Anyway, as far as a life update -
I am back in Ohio :) I have been applying to jobs like crazy, and I'm hoping sometime soon I'll be able to find a job in Columbus or Dayton. Andy and I are going to start apartment hunting soon, which I'm looking forward to for sure!

Oh, and we booked our honeymoon!! We are going to the Sun Palace in Cancun, Mexico.

I am soo excited! Especially with all this FREEZING SNOW! I can't wait :)!!

To hire a lawyer.. to not hire a lawyer..

2010-01-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I need some feedback on this one. I've gone back and forth with this for so, so long.. and I'd like your input.

So, since last February I have worked for the Columbus County School District. I have been their public relations coordinator, web master and grant writer (among countless other duties). My contract was supposed to run from February 2009 to February 2010. The contract with these dates was signed by both the school district and I. They told me that if I broke it, I would have to pay $2,500. Well, this past summer our district had drastic budget cuts. Because I was the most recently hired, I assumed that my position wouldn't be renewed in March when my contract ended, but I was ok with it if it happened because I was getting married and moving back to Ohio in April anyway. Well, sure enough I was told that my last day would be the last day of February. Ok. Fine. I'd deal with it.

Well, fast forward. I got back from Christmas break (which you read about in my previous post). On my first day back my boss, our superintendent, called me into his office. He first asked about my grandfather.. as I'm talking about him and starting to cry, he says.. as though he's talking about the wedding.. "Oh, and by the way you only have two weeks."

"Two weeks for what?" I say.. assuming he's giving me an assignment.. but also confused why he's changing the subject from me crying and explaining my grandfather's situations.

"Your last day has been moved to 2 weeks from today. You haven't done anything wrong, it's strictly a financial situation. And don't bother applying for unemployment because state employees like you aren't eligible," he says.

Ok. I was in complete SHOCK. First of all, I was counting on those two months of paychecks to help pay for a ton of wedding stuff.. and well.. for my life?!

After a little while, I eventually stopped crying. My mom, the sensible one, told me I needed to find out when my health insurance would end. She also so that unless there was a clause in my contract, she was pretty sure that they were breaking my contract illegally. Well, when I contacted the lady about my insurance I was in for a RUDE awakening. This is what she said: "Well, hun, I'm looking at your contract and it turns out that if you would've been there to February 1st, they would've had to pay your health insurance for one full year. That's part of the rifting law for education employees; if you've been there a year, they have to pay your insurance for one full year.. but since you'll be two weeks shy of that.. your insurance will end March 1st.. And.. hun.. if you were my daughter, I'd tell you to get a lawyer because they're breaking your contract illegally so that they don't have to pay your health insurance for a year."

I WAS FURIOUS! I have given everything to my position. I have gotten the district more than 2 million dollars in grant funding. I've conducted countless workshops. I've written more than 50 news articles. I've written more than 60 press releases. I've restructured their web site. I've worked nights and weekends to cover events - and I didn't get paid overtime people! Ughh and soooo soooo much more! And for what? For them to be screwing me out of what should've been rightfully mine? Well, this was only the tip of the iceburg.

A few days later someone mentioned to me that I should really look into the unemployment issue because they thought he was lying about me being ineligible. And he had lied. He lied straight to my face. I was/am eligible for unemployment. The probelm is, AGAIN, though that since I'm two weeks shy of my one year mark I will get unemployment for 6 fewer months and for a lot less money per month. GRRRRR. So, again, they're breaking my contract in order to save themselves money??!!?!

A few more days pass. My brother mentions that I should ask about my sick days. How many do I have left? Can I cash them in? Etc. So, I ask. The lady shuts her door and says, "Well, you get 100 dollars a day, and you have 2 left.. but on February 1st you were due to get 9 more.. and Alicia, don't tell anyone I said this.. but I think you should get a lawyer. They're breaking your contract and it's saving them a lot of money.. but it's unfair to you.. and everyone knows it.. they just don't think you'll do anything."

Well after this information.. and the days prior.. I started to get FURIOUS. I mean I am not rich. I need all the money I deserve. I mean maybe I'll get a job right away, but what if I don't? I'm getting married in 3 months. We need an income. We need a savings. I need health insurance until at the very least I can get on Andy's after we are married. I deserve the money that is rightfully mine, as agreed to in a legally binding contract. And on top of all of that, after all I did for the school district and for my boss (who I helped plan his daughter's wedding and edited his son in laws college essays constantly).. after all of that, they're just kicking me to the curb. And it's insulting. They did it believing that I'd be stupid enough to not figure out that they were breaking my contract. He honestly thought that if he told me I wasn't eligible for unemployment.. I'd believe him. That's insulting. I'm not ignorant. I'm not stupid.. at all.

In the end, I just feel so unappreciated, and it hurts. It really does. I've put my heart and sole into this position. And if I've learned one thing from this it's that in the end, most bosses don't care about you. They care about money. It doesn't matter how many times you make them look great or help them with countless tasks that aren't part of your job description - it's all forgotten. At least that's how I feel...

So, after having a few lawyers in my church look at my contract, everyone seems to agree that I would win a case if I pursued it. BUT it would be drawn out for at least a year.. and is that really how I want to start my marriage? A year of stress because of a law suit? And even though both my bosses wrote recommendation letters, all legal advisers I've spoken to have said that they will absolutely try to downgrade all I've done, and will attack me as a person.. which for a girl with no self esteem.. well, doesn't sound like my cup of tea. Not to mention that at first, I'd have to pay a lawyer out of my own pocket.. and I'm broke as it is..

So, there's the situation.. a very shortened version of it anyway.. so what do you think? Take legal action on principle alone and to get what's rightfully mine? Or don't take legal action and just let it all go and forge forward into a peaceful, less stressful foundation to my upcoming marriage (FYI sooo excited for my wedding xoxo).

I seriously need some input :)!

Grandpa Coffman

2010-01-12T12:46:00.000-08:00

Ok so I think I’ve put this off for far too long. I wasn’t even sure how to start this blog entry. I thought I’d get back from ohio and have this amazing blog update – filled with the happiness of my trip home. Instead, all those happy memories are faded and tainted in some way with what happened my last few days at home. On January 1st my parents left for their vacation in florida. My grandfather had been in Marietta Memorial Hospital because of some back pain, which ended up being identified as kidney stones. On the 1st he was supposed to have a routine surgery to remove the stones. Andy and I had a relaxed morning. I had never seen the movie “A Christmas Story” (I know, I know.. shocking!) so we settled in to watch the movie. It was so nice to just lay on the couch and giggle. Anyway the thought occurred to me that my parents had never called to let me know that they’d made it to the airport.

Moments later my sister joel called. She was crying and immediately I heard the panic in her voice. She asked me something, but all I could hear were the words “hear about” and “mom and dad.” I immediately assumed something had happened to my parents; either in the ride to the airport or their flight to florida. I fell to the floor and just started to sob uncontrollably (the first of many times I would do this in the upcoming week). As joel continued to explain the situation, it was that in fact my parents were fine, but they’d called to tell joel that in my grandpa’s routine surgery, his heart had stopped for 22 minutes.

Now, for those of you who don’t know, all four of my grandparents are alive. I’ve never experience losing a relative. None. And so I remember when friend’s lost grandparents, I’m ashamed to say that I would think to myself, “Aw, that’s so sad.. but they had a long life, and they’re in a better place.” I hate that I honestly thought that. I hate when people say it to me now. The way I felt when Joel told me is simply unexplainable. I felt a mixture of emotions. at first all I thought about was my little, hilarious, adorable grandfather and my most recent memories with him. I wept at the idea that he wouldn’t be at my wedding.. my children would never know him as joel’s have gotten to know him. I was worried about my father being unable to make it back from florida in time to say goodbye. I knew he would feel so guilty for not having been there before the surgery. And my protective instincts toward my parents kicked in (why I am so protective of them I don’t know, it should be the other way around but never has been). Then I thought of my grandmother, so frail. I immediately just pictured her lonely future of sadness. All the while I am just sobbing on the floor.

Andy immediately dropped to the floor with me, and while he asked me what was going on, I couldn’t muster the strength to tell him. It was like if I said it, it’d become real.. and I just couldn’t do it. That just added to my internal turmoil of emotions. I felt bad I wasn’t telling him.. I couldn’t imagine what he must’ve been thinking could’ve happened.. but I just couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t. finally, I said it. And saying it only made it worse. I couldn’t breath. My face was covered in what can only be disgustingly explained as a snotty, tearful mess. After about twenty minutes of pure agony on the ground, andy and I drove into joel’s house. It was there that andy had a feeling he should offer to drive because of the weather. When he said it, I thought it was so odd, I mean we were just going to Marietta for an hour or so to visit my grandpa, and it wasn’t even snowing. But, we did it anyway.

When we got to Marietta memorial I had no idea what was in store for me. SIDE NOTE: I hate seeing people suffering. Whether it be on a movie, a complete stranger in public or people I know and love – I can’t stand to see it. My heart literally breaks for others. I suppose that’s why I get so attached to reality t.v. shows. I connect with people. I feel for them. I hate to see other people in pain. I just hate it. I cry at commercials. I cry in any movie or tv show when a heart is broken or someone gets cheated on. Yes, I’m that emotional, I suppose crazy to some, girl.

When we walked toward the ICU where I knew my grandfather was, I saw my Uncle Terry. He looked utterly destroyed. The tears started again. He told us that my grandpa had not woke up since his heart stopped and that they were life flighting him to Columbus so that he could get an EEG. We didn’t understand why they couldn’t do that in Marietta, to which we were told it was because it was a holiday. Well, um excuse me, why are hospitals on holiday? I thought they were a 24/7 business.. I mean these are peoples lives we’re talking about. Grr. As we walked to the room, I felt the tears raging in a new, stronger form. As I saw my cousins sobbing and my dad’s brothers completely heart broken, my sensitive heart hit an all time low. And then I saw my grandmother. Her tearful eyes met mine, and I felt my heart break into a million pieces. We embraced. I didn’t want to let go. I felt like I should be strong for her, as if to tell her it would be ok, but I couldn’t. I bit my lip. It didn’t stop the tears. I looked up to the light, didn’t work. Nothing worked. And I couldn’t be strong for her. And it killed me on the inside that I couldn’t. it destroyed me. It really did.

QUICK VENT ON HATING MARIETTA MEMORIAL: so, you can picture the scene. About 7 grandchildren around his bed, crying. His frail, body with machines and wires encasing and surrounding his seemingly lifeless body. My aunts in complete shambles. His sons looking almost lifeless, as though they’d removed themselves from the situation so they couldn’t feel the pain. And what happens? A nurse comes traipsing in and is laughing, hysterically.. yelling at another nurse, “Yeah no kidding. I f%&# hate doctors, I wish they’d just go home.” Um.. ok.. I thought.. this is a reverent, sad moment. Who are you?! “Sorry guys, we just make ourselves home here!” she yells, laughing again. She literally acted as though she was drunk. She was sloppy. She pulled things off his body as though she was playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey. I hated her. I despised her. I channeled my sadness into just hating her with my eyes, as though that would make her shut up and have some respect for the situation. It didn’t work. It made me sick. Then she asks my grandmother if she stole an x-ray chart because they can’t find it and they need to send it with him to Columbus. At this ridiculous, disrespectful accusation my uncle couldn’t handle it. He said in a strong, protective voice, “She didn’t take anything, and I suggest you find it and do your job and leave my mother alone.” I’d never felt more proud to be his niece.

Eventually the helicopter came. Because my grandpa is so light, they said that someone could ride with him. It was decided that my uncle chris would go b/c he was the lightest of the brothers. He didn’t seem too happy about being elected, but agreed he would go. The lady with the life flight group said that she had seen my grandpa grimace when she took some tape off his chest. She said that was a good sign because that meant his brain was functioning; he was feeling pain. This gave me hope. It really did. We decided to leave from there to Columbus Riverside Hospital. On the drive we listened to the Ohio State Football bowl game. Usually, this would’ve been the highlight of my year. I love OSU football, and I mean love. But on this day, I couldn’t have cared less. I really couldn’t have.

Eventually we made it to the hospital. After making our way through the various color-coded sections we found ourselves on the 4th floor of the blue section – the ICU. The four of us acted like we owned the place. The door said the ICU was closed, but we went right in, looked at the bored to see which room was his, and walked directly back to the room. The hope that the life flight lady had given me was short lived. As soon as we saw my uncle he told us that the doctor had told him that my grandfather’s chances were “grim.” Within 10 minutes or so this so-called doctor came into the room. He looked about 19 years old, and he had the people skills of a mute smurf. Well he told us that my grandpa had failed all the physical tests and that he had no brain activity. He could tell this also, he said, because my grandfather wasn’t opening his eyes or gagging. Well, in the few minutes we’d been in the room before this %^#@@# doctor came in he had gagged twice and when chris said his name, he appeared to be trying to open his eyes. He was responsive, I promise you that. We told the doctor this and he told us that we were wrong. We hadn’t seen that. So apparently he could read our minds and knew all as well *sarcasm* Also, apparently joel, eric, andy and I must all be blind and stupid. Good to know. We then said we’d like the EEG to be done because that is afterall why we were sent to Columbus. He said that they wouldn’t do it. It would be inconclusive and a waste of time because he’d “failed” the physical responsive tests (no he didn’t!). My uncle chris pleaded, please do the test. We need to know if the brain has any activity before we make any decisions. Chris told him, we would pay. He begged the doctor to do it. The doctor just kept rolling his eyes and rudely told chris that we needed to be making arrangements, not be concerned with an EEG. Anyway, with not even a hint of sympathy he told us that the last chance possible for my grandfather was for him to go under a hypothermia treatment. Even more, he said we had 5 minutes to decide whether or not to do this because it had to be done within 8 hours of the heart stopping.

Wow.

First of all, if it was so critical to have happened within 8 hours why did Marietta memorial not even mention it?! How insensitive and ridiculous is that?! Well, we decided, yes, lets try it.. we want to do all we can. Well 40 minutes pass and nothing has happened. This upsets me to no end! Why tell us we had 5 minutes to decide because it was a race against time.. but then not start for 40 minutes? Eventually they began, and within five minutes of them trying to cool his body down he came to. And I mean came to! He was opening his eyes and pulling away from them! The man didn’t want to be cold people! So.. dr. narcissist %^#^$#@ was wrong! We were right! He was responding! He had brain activity. That doctor didn’t show his face again – thank goodness – because I’m here to tell you I would’ve hurt him. He wouldn’t have been able to have children.

Ok. Here comes the sweet, adorable part!! He hadn’t fully opened his eyes, but he was responding and shaking his head for answers. Then my grandmother got there. She went to his side and grabbed his hand and said, “Ralph, it’s me sweetie. Can you hear me.” His eyes shot open! And through the tubes he forced the biggest smile. I cried sooo hard! It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. He was just waiting on my grandmother to open his eyes! He wanted to see the most beautiful woman first! **tearing up just writing about it**

Now, throughout all of that was A LOT of sobbing. It was hours of andy holding me, telling me that it would be ok, showing me so much love and compassion (exactly why I’m marrying him xoxo) In the end, my parents made it back (by a pure miracle and just barely getting on a flight) and my grandfather was stable and responding. The only problem was that he didn’t make sense all the time. He was seeing things, and even if you told him, he wouldn’t believe or remember that he was in the hospital. What amazed me, though, was that even in this state of confusion, four main themes often came up.

1. He loved my grandmother, and they will have their 60th wedding anniversary on April 22nd.
2. His farm. He loves hard work, and his animals.
3. His church. He often told people he was in church, and when a nurse was typing on the computer – he insisted that she was playing church hymns. He often would break out into church songs.
4. His family. He remembered all of our names and exactly what was going on in our lives. Every single grandchild. He knew us, he loved us. And he’d tell anyone who would listen to him – albeit numerous times over and over because he forgot he’d just told you.

Now to me, I thought this was powerful. The doctors were saying he was crazy and delusional, but to me I was so proud to be his granddaughter. I am the granddaughter of a man who even when drugged and delusional is able to have such amazing priorities: family, his wife, his farm and his religion. To me this is such a testament to what a wonderful man he truly is. My grandfather, my entire life, has worked incredibly hard. Even at 80 years old, he worked every single day. He is an incredibly loving, funny, hardworking man with strong faith and values. I am so lucky to have been sent to his family. I truly am.

On the way home from the hospital that night it was a snowy mess! a complete blizzard. i immediately was so grateful that heavenly father had prompted andy to drive his truck, which has 4 wheel drive. without it, i don't know how we could've made it home! i really don't.

For now, things are progressing. He has good days and bad days. Some days he makes complete sense all day and is back to his cute, funny self. Other days, he is seeing things and trying to get out of his bed. My father has spent countless, exhausting hours at his side struggling to keep him in bed and keeping him calm. (My father's love and devotion is so touching to me as well.) in the meantime, I often break down into tears. Its’ a roller coaster. Some days they say he has 2 weeks, others 10 years. Either way I continue to tell myself to just breathe. And I pray.. a lot!

Miracles happen every single day.

A families love and bond is real.

Doctors can be wrong, and prayers are answered to prove them wrong every single day.

I love my grandfather, and continue to pray for his recovery!

I love you Grandpa Coffman

Tiger, I don't like you.

2009-12-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

First, I promised an update. Andy made it home safely. He got home after midnight, which I didn't like. But, he did make it home safely even though it was snowing in the mountains. Driving in snow is difficult enough without adding in having a heavy trailer behind your truck weaving back and forth :( soo glad my prayers were answered, and andy made it home safe :)

Secondly, I can't help myself, I must vent about tiger woods. I am SICK of all these famous men cheating, lying and thinking that they are above the law. Why won't he talk to the police? If i locked myself in my house and resisted being interviewed by the cops over an accident, they'd bust my door down and arrest me. but b/c he's tiger woods he can just keep canceling their appointments for him to be interviewed?! why?! how?! also, i find it interesting that just two years ago he was talking about Michael vick saying, "if you do something wrong you need to be honest and just come forward and tell everyone what happened." (i heard the sound bite on the radio). but now that the tables are turned he's being a coward and not owning up?! and to top that, he's making up the most ridiculous cover-up story that i've EVER heard. then on top of that he proclaims he won't be attending his golf tournament for his charity b/c of "injuries." well, he was injured last year, and he still showed up and thanked ppl for coming and raising 30 some million dollars. i'm just sitting here thinking, "HELLO!? do you know what a #$@##$% you're making yourself look like? your story is ridiculous, and everyone knows it's a lie. now you're backing out of even appearing at an event where a lot of people are spending a lot of money on the assumption that you'll be there. i mean out of decency to your charity you should show up. mainly, i just hate cheaters. maybe he didn't cheat. i don't know. but what else could've happened at 2 a.m. to cause tiger woods to leave his home going that fast and losing control? and why else would the wife be chasing after him with a golf club? but it doesn't even matter. if he cheated or if he didn't, it makes me EXTREMELY angry that he thinks he is above the law b/c he can hit a golf ball. he should be treated exactly as every other human is treated in america if they get into a car accident. GRRRR.

i thought holidays were supposed to be relaxing?

2009-11-30T12:20:00.000-08:00

Well, my Thanksgiving weekend was interested to say the least. First of all, Andy came a week early to help me pack up the lake house. i can't say enough about how grateful i am for andy. he literally packed my entire house and cleaned the entire thing. it was sparkling clean! he also loaded everything but a few of the bigger items all on his own. well after a week of stressful packing and work issues it was finally wednesday. it was then that i realized that i had told my brother i would make homemade noodles.. but i'd packed up my entire kitchen. YIKES. so andy and i bought a ton of stuff at walmart, that i didn't need to make these noodles. these noodles aren't just any noodles. they are my grandmas noodles that i grew up eating at every single holiday. i had never made them on my own. my mom and i made them once, but there is something very different about making them on your own! i was scared, and i didn't have a kitchen full of appliances. i managed to mix them, roll them and cut them. then, i let them set out over night. i woke up at 6 a.m. in order to boil and cook the noodles for our 3 p.m. thanksgiving meal. it was at 6 in the morning that i realized that i had a can of chicken, but no can opener. andy to the rescue. i dragged him out of bed, and he used the one knife i had to get the can open. he's a miracle worker! haha i was scared to do it alone but guess what!?!i made them on my own and they were DELICIOUS!

After the noodles were cooking, it was time to move out some of the heavier things like my bed, my couch and my huge tv and tv stand. i had told andy all week that i was certain i was strong enough to help him lift my large, leather couch.. but as i put my hands underneath and tried with all my might.. i realized that i wasn't as strong as i once was. lol. i was pulling up as hard as i could.. and the couch wasn't budging. well andy gave me a pep talk and i don't know how but i turned into the incredible hulk. i lifted that couch with pride! and the mattress! and oh did i feel it the next 2 days.

anyway, then we made our way to myrtle beach. i must admit, i sort of loved it being in the 70s on thanksgiving :) we were going to a condo that my brother's girlfriend carmen's mom and dad had rented. so it was carmen, her parents, her little boy caden, chad, andy and me. we had so much fun! caden absolutely loved andy. i'm telling you, all kids automatically LOVE andy. and i mean love. even carmen's parents were like, "ummm, do you spend a lot of time together or what? he LOVES you!" and i was like "no, this is only like the 4th time caden's even seen andy." haha it must be a red-head thing.

the meal was great, and my noodles were a hit! after eating, andy and i were both stuffed but we couldn't help but focus on how lucky we were to have eachother. we are so in love. andy and alicia's first thanksgiving as a couple, not just best friends :)

after eating andy and i made it down to our hotel. once we were there we changed into our swimsuits and got into the hot tub. with my soreness from lifting a couch, and a matress above my head.. i needed it. lol. in our hotel there was a bowling and pool table floor, so chad and carmen came over to hang out. we ended up playing pool. i'd never played pool before except just messing around, so i wasn't familiar with the rules. andy went first and hit in a solid, and i was on his team. then chad went. it was my turn, and i proudly went up, aimed and fired.. i hit the striped 4. i was sooooooooo excited only to look over to andy who was giving me a stern look.. and chad who was high-fiving me. then andy explained me the rules. oops. but i'd like to say that in that game i also ended the game my hitting in the 8 ball and not scratching.. so i was pretty proud :)

after that we went back to our room. i was having my monthly visitor, and i was in extreme pain. often times i get these HORRIBLE cramps. i wanted drugs badly, but i didn't want us to lose our parking spot right in front of the hotel b/c we were leaving the next morning at 4 a.m. for black friday. the other parking lot for the hotel was super far away, and i didn't want to have to walk at 4 a.m. to our car. so, to my complete surprise, andy offered to walk and get me some medicine. i was in SHOCK. this man can't be real. well off he went at 9:30 at night. he ended up having to walk 1.3 miles before he found an open store. and with the sun down, it was in the 40s. and he was followed by a scary homeless man asking him for a cigarette. he came back with all these medicines and chocolate. i repeat, this man can't be real.

well 4 came all too early the next morning. we were on our way to kohls, and andy was being very supportive. he didn't complain once. after shopping for a few minutes, he got in line and let me continue to shop. i just kept coming back and piling more and more stuff on him. he stood in line for an hour and a half as i shopped. he was such a trooper about it too. he spoils me. a lot. i guess the people in line behind him kept teasing him, but he still just stood there with a smile. we then went to walmart, target, toys r us, the mall, etc. it was a successful shopping day :)

finally around 4 p.m. my parents and grandparents on my dad's side arrived. the condo my mom had gotten for us all was amazing! as a group we went to the christmas show at the carolina opry. it was so much fun! the singing was absolutely amazing. as was the company :) i love family! the next day we walked on the beach and enjoyed the 70 degree weather on the beach. the view from the balcony was amazing and so, so relaxing. as a family we went to see old dogs.. sooo funny! the whole family ages 2-80 loved it! i recommend it highly. everything was going so beautifully. i should have known that it was too good to be true. sunday morning we said our good byes and went back to the lake house so andy could get his truck and trailor and make the loooong drive back to ohio through the mountains and hellacious traffic. well i followed him to the gas station to say goodbye. when i came out from surprising him with slim jims and drinks for his drive, i knew something was wrong. andy had his serious face on. i looked down and instantly knew why. one of the tires on the trailor was smoking really badly. andy drove over into a vacant lot and got his huge tools out (which by the way amazes me that he knows how to use). it turned out it was the wheel bearing. it was completely destroyed. i don't know the car terms to go into further detail. but it was bad. and since it was sunday, every tire and mechanic place was closed. so good news - andy gets to stay another day. bad news - andy has to miss work, and he's COMPLETELY stressed about getting it fixed and the cost therein. i tried to keep the mood light in the lot. i smiled a lot, took pictures for the blog, etc. he wasn't amused.

andy tried calling every single garage in the town. all closed. after lots of calls we decided to just leave it at the gas stations, pray no one broke into the trailer with all of my stuff, pray that someone could fix it in the morning, and pray that andy's boss didn't fire him for missing another day of work. at this point i'm feeling extremely guilty. it's my fault he took a week off to help me move. it's my fault he had to bring his trailer down. etc.

we tried to make the most of our extra day together, but we were both too stressed for that to happen really. we were finally settled in when i heard the news that my nephew brenden hurt his head badly. he was trying to pull onions to make a compost (so cute) with his sister lexie and his friend luke. as he tried to pull an onion out of the ground, he fell back and hit his head on a cement corner. lexie was emotionally a mess, and brenden was in a lot of pain. there was a lot of blood and tears, but i've heard he's doing much better now. i didn't sleep a wink last night. i was so worried about b and about andy getting back safely.. ugh.. andy finally found a place to bring it to this morning, blacks tire. he gets it there at 8 a.m. well at 1, they still haven't started. making a long story short, i had about 4 meltdowns in the morning worried sick! as did andy. he finally left around 3 p.m. which means he will be driving through the mountains with a HUGE, heavy trailer on the back waay to late for my liking. pray for him please. i'll update you as soon as i know :)

it's the most wonderful time of the year :)

2009-11-24T08:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, i have to get better at this whole updating my blog thing! things have been pretty hectic, though. i must admit.

in the past month i've been packing up my lake house. i just didn't feel safe there, so i'm staying at my brothers until february. i'm so excited to finally move back to ohio - and this time for good! andy and i will be living somewhere on the west side of columbus near his job. i've been applying for jobs like crazy, but i haven't had any luck at all. i don't get it, though, because i can get any job - even jobs i'm not qualified for - in nyc, utah and north carolina.. but i can't seem to get a job in ohio to save my life :( pray for me!

a few weeks ago andy flew down for the train concert. while i was sitting there waiting for him, i couldn't help but realize how much love is in the world. to me, you see the saddest and the happiest people in airports -- but both have such strong emotions b/c of their love for the person coming or going. i sat there crying as i watched families saying their goodbyes; children holding to their fathers legs begging them not to leave; wives holding to their husbands hand so tightly; fathers begging the mother to not leave them with 4 children all under the age of 6; best friends parting, unsure when they'll see eachother again. all of them... drenched in tears. and i could certainly relate. going to school 2,000 miles away and now living 4 states away has put me in a world that has come all to used to saying goodbye in airports. and you know what? it never gets easier. it gets harder. sadder with each goodbye. i was always surprised at how well my parents kept it together when we parted at the airport when i was at byu. once i asked my dad why they didn't cry. he told me they stayed strong for me, but that he'd never seen my mom weep so tenderly as when she got in the car after dropping me off. and for those of you who know my father, although he didn't mention his tears, something tells me his tears numbered to millions. but anyway, then there's the flip side. the people who are picking up their loved ones. these displays of love are my favorite, by far. three of my favorites from this particular trip.

1. a father with three children. the little girl's hair is unkempt, put up in what appears to be a side ponytail gone bad. her shirt is on backwards, her shoes on the wrong feet. a little boy who has gum in his hair, who keeps complaining that it's "tickling his head." the father replies, "i don't know how to get gum out!? just wait 15 more minutes, your mom will fix it." and the third child, the oldest of the three, probably about 12. well he looks fine, but he keeps yelling cuss words and lets just say continues to let out air. all three are running in different directions. i hear the father say on the phone, "I pray she never leaves again." after he gets off the phone, i see the little girl wandering off. so i get her and bring her back. he says, "thank you so much." to which i reply, "your children are adorable." PAUSE. SIGH. "You should see them with their mother around. A week with only me, you'd think they were homeless."

2. a little old man with a walker. he is sitting there and i notice he's writing in a notepad, his hands shaking. after a minute, i notice he is crying. he's beside me, so i can't help but look to see what he's writing. it's a journal. it says, "it's been 5 years since linda passed. i haven't seen any of our children since. today will change that." i had to go to the bathroom to control my tears. when i returned i handed him a tissue. he looked at me and smiled. we had eye contact for what seemed like a year. my heart broke for this little, lonely man.

3. a girl chewing her nails. she is clearly dying to see whoever it is she's waiting for. she keeps pacing back and forth. as flights are delayed, she yells out cuss words. i hear her on the phone yelling at us airways, demanding that the flight stop circling the airport. her enthusiasm was intriguing to me. who was she waiting for? every time people would start coming out, she'd get so excited -- pushing everyone out of her way, including me and little children. she started to smoke at one point. a security man came over, told her to put it out. she wasn't happy. she yelled at him and put it out. then she said, "great now my breath smells!?" i offered her some gum. she didn't even look at me, she just grabbed it quickly. it ended up being her boyfriend, who had just gotten back from iraq.

and then there was me. waiting on the love of my life. our embraces when he leaves are tearful with my nails digging into his arm as though that will make the minutes last longer - it doesn't. our reunions are happy. a joyful hug. a long, special kiss.

andy's visit was amazing. we had so, so much fun! the concert was amazing. uncle kracker opened. he was actually really good live, which surprised me. as always, though, i had the most annoying girls to the right of me. they kept screaming and yelling obscenities, explaining what they wanted to do to uncle kracker. at one point they did get the guitarist's attention. when he heard what they were proposing he just shook his head in disgust. these girls were gross. they had hair to their knees in ponytails that kept whisping me in the face. neither of them were wearing bras and they were both well over 250 pounds. they kept drinking and drinking, which of course only made them louder and more inappropriate in their comments. anyway, it didn't detract from how amazing train was. i found myself really missing his solo album songs though. i think i like them more than most of his train songs.. which i didn't realize until i was there and he didn't sing a single one of them :( anyway, andy, chad, carmen and i had a lot of fun. it was funny though, on the drive home it was like 1:30 and andy and i were DYING. i mean DEAD tired. am i really getting that old? haha

Andy left very early on Monday morning. the week was slow! but andy came back saturday with his truck and a trailer so he could transport all my stuff back to ohio. i was so worried about him driving! but he made it safely :) that night we went to see the movie "the blind side." i really, really liked it. when we got in the car i said, "well, if my parents see that then there will be a large black boy in our home at christmas." we both laughed.. but secretly, i think we're both wondering if that actually might happen :)

so that brings me to now. i have to work while andy is at home packing and cleaning. i HATE that he's doing it all alone. i HATE that i'm at work with people who are extremely rude to me daily. ugh! oh, and yesterday was our anniversary :) i love andy, and i can't wait to be his wife. only 137 days until our wedding!

thursday we are having thanksgiving with my brother, his gf and her parents and her son, caden. i'm so excited to eat like crazy. i'm making homemade noodles.. my favorite :) then on friday andy and i are going black friday shopping. SOOO EXITED :) and that day my parents and grandma and grandpa coffman will be arriving. things are looking up for this week.

what am i grateful for:
andy
my precious family
the gospel
my job (even though it ends in february)
technology
did i mention andy?
did i mention my family?

oh, quickly i'd like to say something about the whole rihanna thing. the whole thing doesn't make sense to me. in interviews, she doesn't even shed a tear. as someone who's gone through it and met many women who have as well in various support groups, i have NEVER seen someone talk about their attack in such a calm, almost happy sort of way. not to mention, i think it's odd she is giving the world such intimate details. speak out against domestic violence - absolutely! she should! go into details.. hmm, not so sure on that one.

carving pumpkins

2009-11-05T06:08:00.001-08:00

I wanted to do a special post for pumpkin carving and trick-or-treat. my experiences in both this year were hilarious and fabulous.

first, we did pumpkin carving while i was in ohio. andy, b, lexie and i started around 5 p.m. i completely forgot how disgusting it is to pull out all the grossness from inside. luckily, lexie was kind enough to help me. she's up for anything. and it's adorable! after about an hour my dad meandered outside. we called him over and he grabbed a pumpkin. somehow - i have no clue how!? - he had his pumpkin cleaned out in about 3 minutes. surprised, i told him to pick a stencil out. he told me that those things were "trash" and he was going to do it his way. so, he got his little pocket knife and without even drawing an outline started to carve. andy and i were trying to hold in our laughter. when my dad proudly held up his finished product, we were all speechless. it had one eye up really high, the other being lower and barely a slit open. he said that was because it was "winking." lol. he had two little buck teeth and a triangle nose. it was a sad little pumpkin. he brought it in proudly to show my mom. her response was, "what is that?!" lol!! so she took over. with the help of a stencil she was able to use what he'd done and create a masterpiece. it looked amazing.

After awhile, we were all ready to go in. andy took charge and helped the kids and i get our stencils on our pumpkins. andy's patience and energy is astounding to me. i'm always joking with him that when he gets to be my age (23) he won't have all that energy. lol. but seriously, he is amazing. he just takes care of everything! lexie and b started carving away. and i'm here to tell you that lexie is one hardcore, strong, multi-talented chick! she carved her little heart out! and didn't complain once! not once! she is such an amazing little girl :) in the meantime, andy was given my mom's huge pumpkin to put out front. this was a huge responsibility that he took very seriously! he was working so meticulously on this pumpkin! his concentration level was at a high. lol. he and i are so different. he has his architecture mind and i have my writers mind. we go about just about everything differently. i go for it emotionally, he goes for it logically. haha. but, his hard work and careful execution paid off. his pumpkin was amazing.

i was proud of my little ghost pumpkin too! although no one seemed impressed.. i sure was with myself :) i ended up bringing it to my grandparents so they could have one to sit out on their step. they seemed very excited about it.

little lexie was the second finished. her cat was amazing! b took a little longer because, the poor little thing, had the thickest pumpkin of us all. but the end result was fabulous. they looked great, and we really did have so much fun doing it together as a family.

family truly is heaven on earth.

since my latest scare at the lake, i've been living with my brother. so, i went trick-or-treating with him and his girlfriend carmen and her little boy caden. he was dressed as a priate. and sooo cute. well, we were driving to go get our candy on when i looked over at caden. he looked sad and wouldn't smile at me no matter what i did. all of a sudden, he started throwing up. all over his costume and his car seat. chad pulled over, and we changed his clothes. but he wasn't done. about 20 minutes down the road.. he threw up again :( so needless to say, we didn't go trick-or-treating :(

it may be time to say goodbye to facebook

2009-11-05T05:48:00.001-08:00

so, after a few days of literally crying over facebook, i'm starting to think that it may be time for me to get rid of it. i don't know if i'm overly sensitive or what.. but am i the only person who gets hurt when people ignore their messages to them? i mean how am i supposed to feel when i write them messages and they ignore me but write back everyone else. then, i posted my engagement pictures. and a lot of people commented on them. but a ton of people didn't. it really hurt my feelings. i've been there for so many of my friends as they've gotten married. i've been excited for them. i've helped them with anything i could for their weddings. but now that it's FINALLY my turn, no one seems to care. i kept ignoring it.. but i can't ignore it anymore. i feel like no matter how much i do for other people, it's never reciprocated.

anyway, a few weeks ago i went home. it was a lot of fun. thursday i picked the kids up from school and played with them. friday we got a ton of wedding stuff accomplished, then babysat the lexie and camryn. we made cookies.
it was adorable. camryn had this little cat tail on and she wouldn't take it off. soo hilarious! saturday we had engagement pictures taken, which ended up being a lot of fun. sunday we went to church then carved pumpkins. monday we had lunch with my grandparents and played with the kids. tuesday i sadly returned to north carolina.

sorry this post is a bit depressing. but i'm really feeling upset. i don't appreciate being ignored. and i REALLY am bothered by the fact that all of these girls who were married in the last 5 years and had all my love, support and help are now ignoring that it's finally my turn. :**(

stick a fork in me.. i'm done

2009-10-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was easily the worst night of my life.

I met my brother Chad and his girlfriend Carmen for dinner. at this dinner i may or may not have ate my body weight in pizza. lol. anyway, i was driving home, and it was dark.. about 8 p.m. my road is so dark and creepy now that the summer lake-goers are gone. when i pulled into my driveway i noticed something very odd. there was an older man in the street playing with a remote control car. i honestly almost hit him. when i pulled into my driveway i was shaking b/c i was scared. i'd never seen him or a remote controlled car before.. and i'd never seen anyone after dark out on the road. as i was shaking, trying to unlock my door he stopped playing with the car and picked it up and just stared at me. it was the most horrible feeling. i just shook it off, though. i went inside and watched the biggest loser. i love that show! i always cry watching it, though.. lol.

i went to bed pretty early at about 10:30. i fell asleep quickly. all was well.

at 1 a.m. i heard the loudest thud/bang ever. i am a dead sleeper people. i'm telling you, humans yelling can barely wake me up, so this noise was loud! there was someone outside my bedroom window. i was scared. ok i was more than scared. sometimes i am awoken by a loud noise or bad dream, and i can feel the holy ghost confirming to me, "it's ok alicia. you're ok." but this was different. i did not feel the comfort i usually feel. instead i felt scared and i knew i wasn't ok. i heard in my mind and heart, "it's not ok, call for help. something is wrong."

20 minutes later the police were there. can i just say i hate how some policemen act?! they treated me like i was stupid. "are you sure it wasn't a dream?" he says.. um sir, i'm not a 5 year old nor am i delusional. i can tell the difference between reality and almost peeing my pants for fear of my life. they surveyed the area. the state trooper told me that he didn't want to scare me, but that if the intruder wanted to rob someone - he would've picked one of the huge houses on my road that are vacant b/c their owners only live there in the summer. this intruder, apparently he said, wanted ME. my neighbor confirmed that he had heard a loud noise, and he heard someone walking in the gravel. the saw some large footprints around my home.. which they just explained away by being my landlord or any number of ppl.. ANNOYING my neighbor said he was sitting on the couch with his gun waiting for the intruder to just try to get into his house. i'm like WTF!? you didn't think, "hmm alicia lives alone and has no weapons.. maybe i should help her."

what is wrong with ppl?!!?

anyway, the police left, and i felt sick to my stomach. andy was amazing through it all. he called for help, he stayed on the phone with me.. he tried to keep me calm. as i was talking to him, one of my outside lights shut off. this freaked me completely out. it couldn't have burnt out, andy had just replaced it. so i told andy, enough is enough.. i'm getting out of here and staying in a hotel in the city where i work. he confirmed this was a good idea. the 10 ft from my door to my car was the most scared i've ever felt! i squealed out there like i was a nascar driver on crack. i pulled into the holiday inn express at about 3:30 a.m. it was here i was informed that they were completely booked. how!? it's a tuesday in october?! so i went to the best western down the road. they had a room :) 110 bucks later i was in a room, and i felt safe. but, 8 a.m. came all too early.. and i'm really just not feeling up to par today..

this being my second incident, i'm done with my lake waccamaw home. it breaks my heart b/c andy and i have worked so hard to make it into such a home. we've put so much money and sweat into it.. but i just can't stay there any longer. i don't feel safe, especially now that the summer crowd is gone.

so... now i have to move - again.. i have to find somewhere that will let me have a 5 month lease.. how i'll find such a place that is safe, i don't know!?

i'm trying to put it all behind me, but i'm still a mess today. i'm still feeling violated and scared.. and i hate it. thank goodness i'm going home tomorrow. please pray i can find a place to stay!

Alicia .. AKA pirate :(

2009-10-19T05:33:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend started off great. first i went to get my hair cut on saturday. i was really nervous to not go to my girl, but i desperately needed a cut before my engagement pictures on friday.. so i buckeled down and made an appointment. i ended up getting it angeled around my face, a second layer in the back and a trim all around. the girl did an AMAZING job! i was sooo excited :)
Here is a pic right after the cut -

And below is one after i curled it. sorry it's not the best quality, it's a picture phone -

my excitement was short lived, however, because ohio state somehow lost to the worst team in college football. it was at this moment that i decided a few things. 1 - i hate tressel.. it's time for him to be fired. 2 - i won't be watching college football the rest of the season. and 3 - pryor needs to transfer. he deserves better.

anyway, that night i watched "my life in ruins." this turned my day back around! it's my new favorite movie!! i LOVED it. i laughed and cried.. and it was just a great movie that somehow helped my confidence in myself to grow!? as i went to bed, i found myself feeling excited about my engagement pictures. who cares if i wasn't skinny anymore!? you cares that i wasn't tan!? i was going to look great :) well, when i woke up, a new reality sat in. i swear it's impossible for me to have an ounce of confidence ppl! when i woke up, my left eye was extremely puffy above and below my eye!? i freaked out and called my mom. she said to just stay calm and put wet, warm compresses on it. well, i put on glasses hoping to hide the eye and went to church.

went i got to church, i was instantly annoyed. the branch president came up to me and introduced himself. i said, "i know who you are!? it's alicia!" i mean, come on people, glasses don't make a person look like a new human. it hurt my feelings to be honest when a few seconds later, the relief society president (who i've talked face to face with about a million times) came up and did the same thing. the primary children could recognize me, but not my leaders?! my branch has 15 people in it, tops. it shouldn't be difficult for ppl to pretend they care about me and remember that i do exist. i have been in their ward for 9 months. i felt completely unappreciated and invisible -- the usual.

after sacrament had started, in came debbie downer! i hadn't seen her in a few weeks. she wasn't there last week when andy was there. well i noticed she was staring at me and finally she said, "what's wrong with your eye!?" i said, "i'm not sure, maybe an allergy or something?" her reply?! "you look like you have downs syndrome. can you move away? i can't stand the site of you."

EXCUSE ME?!!? i was here first! i am covering it with reading glasses. i'm at church.. what happened to everyone being loving and accepting!? so, i moved down 6 seats and started to cry. what a sunday, huh?

well, after church i left and took some benadryl. i wasn't expecting this, but i fell asleep for a good 5 hours. when i woke up, my eye was completely swollen shut.
the benadryl hadn't helped one bit! i started to get freaked out and decided to go to urgent care. the doctor there was.. well.. interesting. when he saw my eye he started laughing and said, "i hope you don't have anything important coming up!" i replied, "actually, i do.. i have my engagement pictures in 6 days." his reply?! you know his doctorly make ppl feel better reply?! "well, i hope your fiance doesn't mind marrying a pirate! maybe you should get a patch of some kind."

for the second time, i cried.

it ended up being a stye. he prescribed some drops.

so recap - i went to bed saturday feeling confident for the first time in months. sunday i went to bed crying b/c i'd never felt uglier or more invisible in my life.

Grammar

2009-10-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

After being informed by a former professor that I have many punctuation and grammar mistakes on this blog, I'd like to clarify something. I know punctuation and grammar. Trust me when I say that I can write with near-perfect grammatical usage. When I'm writing on my blog, however, it's just a more laid back arena for me. I feel as though I can just write without a second thought of punctuation or grammar. Often times, I am writing my blog while in a meeting or on a blackberry. Both of these times aren't exactly conducive environments where I can or want to devote my full attention to what I am typing. I apologize if the poor grammar and punctuation on my blog offends or disgusts anyone.

PRESENTS FOR NO REASON :)

2009-10-12T13:39:00.000-07:00

i forgot to tell you all that andy brought me a bunch of presents for no reason :)

first, he bought me a few things i needed/wanted for the wedding. i was so touched b/c 1. he remembered and 2. he didn't complain -- is this man real!?

second, i'm always complaining about not having warm sweatshirts down here b/c they're all still in ohio. soo, he brought me the cutest, softest pink sweatshirt :)

third, he bought me this amazing smelling stuff that makes our house smell like HEAVEN

lastly -- and this is the big one -- he bought me a dryer!! i've been washing clothes and hanging them up, which FYI creates really hard, nasty smelling clothes/towels/underwear/etc.

andy is amazing :)

disappointed by movies but not by love

2009-10-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!!

This weekend was pretty much the best weekend i've ever had. the best part about andy and i's relationship is that we always have so, so much fun! on friday when i got home from work, he'd made me this delicious meal, which he's always doing for me. before him, i'd never had a guy cook for me, and i must say.. i LOVE it.

saturday we slept in (my favorite) then we drove to wilmington for a day of shopping and movies. first, we went shopping. i found these jeans that look AMAZING on andy. they were express, usually like 90 bucks.. got them for 15! :) and i'm here to tell you, they look amazing! i got two new dresses. they are sooo cute. the one was Diane Von Furstenberg and a size 8. i usually wear a 4 in womens, but it was designer and only 15 bucks.. so i decided i couldn't pass it up. i found that by putting a belt around it, it doesn't look all that big :) here's a pic.. it's not that great, but no one is in my office today to take a picture.. sorry.

after getting a sweater that looked AMAZING on andy, we decided we were starving and ready to eat some lunch. i had never been to texas road house, and andy insisted that i tried it. i'm sooo glad he did :) the rolls were AMAZING.. as was the salad and french fries.. YUM. but after eating there, i was in an absolute food comma. i mean, i was STUFFED. lol the most interesting part of eating out, to me, is the people that you are often sat around. there was this man and teenage boy at the table beside us. at first i thought, 'aww, a son and dad day" but the conversation proved that it wasn't a father and son. it was the WEIRDEST conversation i'd ever heard. the older man was talking about dating and drugs "back in the day" and he was hitting on the waitress profusely. as he slurridly kept asking for re-fills on his beer, the teenage boy became more and more uncomfortable and fidgety. i kept praying this guy would go to the bathroom so andy and i could ask this teenager if was abducted and needed help.. but.. no such luck. i told andy to get a good mental picture so we could look at the missing kids board at walmart and see if this teenager matched.

anyway..after that we went to the movies. where i was YET again disappointed by movies. it's been so long since i went to the movies.. paid an OUTRAGOUS amount.. and felt satisfied. we saw both couples retreat and the invention of lying. now, couples retreat was funny.. but not as good as i'd hoped.. and i'm not sure it was worth the 15 bucks to sit there and feel fat and disgusting looking at these size 0 actresses in their bikinis and underwear. my real issue was with the invention of lying. i wanted to see this movie because i thought .. 'hmm, that's a unique idea' the movie, however, wasn't anything like the trailer - surprise, surprise. it ended up suggesting that religion, the belief in God, the ten commandments, and other religions beliefs were not truth but instead were someone's invention of lying in order to make people feel better. i was extremely offended by this notion. i found the movie sac-religious and disgusting the more i thought about it. to make this expensive movie outing even worse, the strangest boy sat by us. this kid was 11 or so, and he came in -- to an entirely open theater - and say two seats over from me. he had a slushy and kept sucking and sucking making that annoying noise it makes when there is nothing left in the cup. he had the most outrageously obnoxious laugh, and he was either pooping his pants or farting .. creating the most disgusting smell you've EVER smelt in your life. it was so bad i had to trade andy seats so i could bury my head in his shoulder and still watch the movie. he also talked to himself... and it wasn't a whisper people! why was this boy alone at a movie? by was he pooping his pants? why did he have to set so close to us? anyway, when will a good movie come out?!

after the movies -- and being extremely disappointed by the money wasted -- andy and i walked around the shopping center and got some cold stone. now, don't get me wrong, i LOVE ice cream.. but isn't 10 dollars a little much for two "like its"?! it was good though! the rest of the weekend was really just andy and i relaxing, going to church, watching movies and eating all sorts of goodies. i didn't realize i could fall more in love with him, but i did :) and it's the BEST feeling. last night we went on a bike ride then sat out on a swing on a dock looking out into the lake. it was so relaxing. just sitting there, so in love, with my best friend making me laugh at my side. i love him!

ugh.. anyway, back to work :( missing andy already!

testimony of prayer

2009-10-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

In my junior year of college I began to realize it was time to quit the meaningless summer jobs and jump into an internship. Being the big dreamer that I am, I decided to send my resume and information to ever big time magazine I could think of. After 12 rejections, one requested an interview.

This was it, my big break.

On the plane ride to Columbus I couldn’t have been more nervous. I crinkled my peanut bag, spilled my drink and even managed to step on each person in my row as I took my four nervous trips to the sink to splash water on my face- just to make sure it was really happening. And it was.

On my third lap around the terminal during my layover in Chicago, over the muffle of businessmen on their phones and teenagers screaming that they don’t want to move, I heard an announcement. “Attention all passengers on Columbus flight 318, your flight has been cancelled. See the desk to get another flight tomorrow or the day after.”

My stomach dropped. This was so much more than missing the interview of a lifetime. It was staying, alone, in one of the biggest airports in the world. The announcement was correct, but it wasn’t one day. It was two days before the next available flight.

As the realization of what was happening sat in, I began to cry. Not the sort of crying that a sad movie brings, but the sort of crying where you begin to suffocate on each breath. I was terrified. Feeling the cold wall on my back, I slinked down on the floor, folded my arms and began to do the only thing I knew to do – I prayed. Not just a prayer for help, but a specific plea to get me somewhere safe that night. No sooner than I’d whispered the words, I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

Too scared to look up, I heard a voice say, “Excuse me sweetie, but I couldn’t help but to see, and well hear, you crying over here.”

Looking up I saw her. She was a tall blonde with a tailored suit and pointy stilettos. Shocked by how quickly my prayer was answered I looked at her as if she were from another planet, I couldn’t even speak.

“Anyway, I saw you crying and it really just broke my heart. My company is paying for me to rent a car to drive to Columbus. It’s a five hour drive, and I’d love for you to come along,” she said.

“But you don’t even know me,” I replied.

“I know it sounds strange, but I feel as though I do know you. I just had the strongest feeling I should offer the ride. Something pushed me over here,” she said.

The ride home was amazing. She was brilliant, fun and respectfully interested in the church. She couldn’t help but admit that she wasn’t exactly a humanitarian and offering help to a complete stranger wasn’t the usual. She couldn’t figure out what had pushed her over to me, but I knew.

I made it home that night. And despite missing the interview, I got the internship. But more than that, I realized that Heavenly Father is extremely aware of our circumstances at all times.

Richard G. Scott once said, “Prayer is a supernal gift of our Father in Heaven to every soul. He will always hear your prayers and will invariably answer them.”

I know this is true. Prayer is such a precious window of opportunity to speak to our Father in Heaven. He hears us, and He knows who we are. He knows our fears and if we have faith in him, He will answer our prayers. In a moment of distress I knew exactly who to turn to for help; not a travel agent or the wonders or technology, but instead my Heavenly Father. On that frantic day in Chicago I realized that unlike the editors of big time magazines, Heavenly Father will never reject or ignore my pleas. He will always be there to listen and send little miracles my way.

uh oh.. obsession begins again

2009-10-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

As you all know i LOVE train/pat monahan's music. i've seen him in so many concerts... and quite frankly, his music has gotten me through so many sad nights, happy nights, long drives, work out sessions, and long days at work.

well, i haven't seen him in concert for over a year------ :( ........... but.. good news!! he's back with train, and i'll be seeing him in november in myrtle beach :)!!

even better?! i LOVE his new song. please watch it!! click here

PS Andy is coming to the concert with me.. i must convert him to become a fan :)!

L-O, L-O, L-O-V-E

2009-10-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!!

Let me start by saying that i'm FINALLY going to see Andy tonight after 3 weeks. i'm dying to see him!! couples are not meant to be apart people! i am sooooooooooo excited.

So i've been watching the new season of the Hills, and i have quite a few concerns. A few of them are below..
1. I hate when these shows make certain characters friends when in the past they were blatant enemies. i try so hard -- for uncertain, strange, weird reasoning - to believe that these shows are reality.. but when they pull stuff like this, it makes it impossible to believe that this crap is real life. for example, lo and audrina like hang out now.. um, does anyone remember when they not only hated each other, but called each other names and made each other cry each episode?
2. I don't understand how or why stacey the bartender is now a sudden friend of these people?! again, it makes it impossible to believe that this is real.

3. i miss lauren.. which causes more concern that i seem to believe i am actual friends with certain celebrities when in reality, if i were to talk to them they'd most likely mace me in the face or ignore me completely.
4. is spencer not the most horrible husband/man you've ever seen? he is blatantly horrid. it's sad to me. he buys a house without his wifes approval. he's mean to an innocent child. it's all very odd to me.

TV: my new favorite tv show is called modern family. if you've missed it, go to ABC.COM and watch the episodes.
i promise you that you will laugh! i LOVE it. last night's episode made me laugh and cry.

MOVIE: this weekend andy and i are going to see couples retreat. i think it looks hilarious and i can't wait to see it.. especially with andy. did i mention i'm crazy about him and miss him like CRAZY.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: let us all join hands and pray that LSU can beat florida.

WEDDING: i'm having such a hard time planning my wedding in north carolina when all of my friends and family are in ohio except my brother chad. it is no fun to set on my couch alone and look at flower choices.. it's just not the same as having someone with you to confirm my ideas .. or cut theme down. when i ask my brother if he'll help me.. he just laughs.. which i take as a "no-go" coming from him. oh well. we are making progress. i've picked my cake. i'm going to have square layers and the cake will be white icing with pastel purple, pink and yellow polka dots. i decided to go with a monogram on top of the cake. it's this new trend, and i LOVE it. each layer will be a different flavor of deliciousness. my amazingly talented mom is doing the bridesmaid flowers and boutonnieres, so she and i picked out the flowers for those as well last week. i would like to vent about the dress issue. first of all, why do wedding dresses run small?! don't they want all brides to feel thin and gorgeous?! secondly, i just don't look good in them. i'm either too short or too curvy or something.. i dunno what it is.. but i look horrible. and that really breaks my heart -- doesn't every bride deserve to be beautiful? :***(

also, i've been thinking so much since watching general conference. i have soo much to work on, but general conference is my absolute favorite time of year. i really, really missed Elder Wirthlin, though. He was always my favorite, and his talks were always directly related somehow to what was going on in my life. Below are the links to my two favorite talks -- i'm going to write an entry on both soon.. but i encourage you to read them, they are amazing. as you can see, they both discuss love, which to me is something i've always focused on in my life. i strive to love those around me - including those who have hurt me, who i pray fervently to forgive. i disagree strongly with those who choose to judge rather than love.

"Let us be known as a people who love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and who love our neighbor as ourselves." Favorite quote from the following talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: click here to read

"That is because the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships. The joys come from putting the welfare of others above our own. That is what love is. And the sorrow comes primarily from selfishness, which is the absence of love. The ideal God holds for us is to form families in the way most likely to lead to happiness and away from sorrow." or "Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion." Favorite quotes from President Henry B. Eyring: click here

CHALLENGE: Love those in your life.

real-life debbie downer

2009-10-05T08:02:00.000-07:00

so, i watch debbie downer often on snl and laugh extremely hard. i mean i LOVE it. but, i wasn't aware that such people existed until this past sunday at church. a woman had just moved here, and i'm here to tell you she is a real-life debbie downer. here are some real-life, i swear to you true exchanges she was part of yesterday.

this guy was talking about his diet and how well he's doing and she goes "yea, i've lost 100 pounds b/c my ex was abusive."

and it got quiet and awkward.

then someone was like talking about their new job and she goes "well i can't work b/c i'm disabled b/c i was in a car accident that killed 7."
----long pause-------
"and i caused it."

then someone asked me about our wedding and she cut me off and she was like "marriage is hell."

---quiet in room---

a lady asks a woman about being pregnant. she says she's so excited. debbie downer cuts her off "i hate babies. they're so ugly. i had a c-section with all three kids. it was more bloody than WWII" (keep in mind we're all eating at a potluck)

and then they were talking about a guy in my church and she cuts them off and says "i hate the name mike. i was sexually harassed by a mike."

people are talking about how lucky we are that it's warm outside; in the 80s in october. she says "i hate hot, i get a weird rash."

---silence---

then conference is starting, and like the spirit is so strong and she gets up and says "bye"
and the branch president was like "you're leaving?"
and she's like "yeah too much sitting, my back is killing me. and since i'm allergic to pain killers, i'm screwed basically."
and a nice lady was like "can we do anything for you?" and she's like "no, i just need to sleep in my bed.. which i'll be alone in"

i mean people all we were missing was the "waaant, waaant" after each of her comments. it was impossible to have a happy conversation. i couldn't believe my ears! andy said we're sitting by her at church next week b/c he just has to see and hear it for himself.

finally back to life

2009-10-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

So, i haven't been on here forever.. so sorry! i've been crazy sick! it started last friday. i was supposed to pick up caden after work, and i just got sooo sick at work. it got so bad i had to lay on the floor of my office. it was this horrible headache that made me dizzy and nauseous. it felt like i had a bird pecking at my brain and uterus all while on the spinning tea cups at the fair. it was BAD. it was especially bad when i was riding in a car. so, i got caden. and as always - he was an ANGEL! but i just kept feeling worse. my brother said it sounded like a migraine, so i took an excedrin and went to sleep. when i woke up, i didn't feel any better at all! i drove home (big mistake) and had to pull off numerous times b/c i was getting so nauseous and light headed. when i got home i felt HORRID. so, i layed down and just prayed i'd feel better. i slept for like 8 hours, but i didn't feel any better at all. so i slept some more, and some more. in the meantime, i was out of food and i couldn't drive to the grocery. now, i want to lose weight for my wedding - but not this way people!

sunday came and went.. another day of just sleeping and feeling horrible. on monday, i knew i had a ton to do at work, so i went .. against my better judgment.. and after being here 4 hours i realized i was feeling worse and worse. this sickness also made me very delirious and caused my mind to be very foggy. for example, someone said "alicia if we got a grant for 175,000 how many $400 computers could we buy?" i said very confidently "35,000" WTF?!

another funny delirious story: i called andy one day of my sleep/dizzy/foggy mind/nauseous spell and told him i had a brilliant idea. i told him they should make snow white with real people and have little people be the dwarfs.. that would be funny and cute. :)

so, at lunch i realized something was terribly wrong and i drove to urgent care. when i got there, they asked me to put a mask on. i wasn't pleased with this request b/c it made it difficult to breath.. which i'm not a fan of. so i waited and waited. finally they called my name. the woman weighed me, and said "149" This seemed crazy to me, i've never weighed more than 125. this figure made me feel worse than ever. anyway, then she brings me into the waiting room where she proceeds to ask me questions and fill out a form. well, the problem was that i was extremely FOGGY in the brain. i couldn't remember health history questions and i literally couldn't remember how to spell my own name. she said "ok, we're going to need you to pee in a cup and we're gonna take blood."

now, if you know me, you know at this point i started crying. i hate giving blood b/c i pass out every single time. so i peed in a cup, which as a woman is gross and hard. then i come back in the room and she takes my temperature b/c she forgot to earlier - first sign that this girl was a dud. it was 102.6 :( then she says "ok i'm taking some blood" i tell her "well i always pass out" she says "ohh great! lay back." so i do. she ties a band around my left arm and sticks the needle in. she's fishing around and having less luck than a blind man singing loudly in a lake with no fish. i pass out. when i come to, i'm shocked to find that she is still fishing around instead of trying to help me. she says my vein is horrible and keeps rolling. so she tries my right arm. no better luck my friends! she says, "you're dehydrated, you need an IV." i've never had an IV and i'm here to tell you that the events that came to pass with getting and during the IV are that of a horror movie. i won't give details.

finally the doctor comes in. this man was NUTS. he just kept laughing at everything i said. he's like "you don't look so good, hahahaha" i'm like.. um ok.. then he says "you've put on a lot of weight recently.. hahahahah" i'm like "excuse me?! (i seriously wanted to go chuck norris on this man, no joke!) have you never met a woman!?" anyway, long story short he said i couldn't go back to work till friday at the earliest. i had some sort of viral infection.

so, i go home and do what any grown woman would do - i call my mom crying hysterically. lol. i say i need you here!!! well, as you know, my dad is retired and my mom isn't. so my dad offered to come. i screamed/cried "i just want my mom!" ... pause of dead silence.. my mom was there the next day. :)

my mother is a miracle worker people! she came into my wrecked house and within 2 hours had it clean, organized and she was making me my favorite homemade from scratch dishes. this woman is amazing! i hope i'm half the mother she is! andy was amazing too during my sickness! he spent hours on the phone with me getting online and checking my work email and responding to ppl's emails on my behalf. he's amazing :) while my mom was there, i also got a card in the mail from an old friend, pam. she had sent me some pictures from camp when andy and i met 6 years ago! i can't find my pictures, so these pictures were priceless to me! they were hilarious! i've gotten fat, and he's grown taller and more handsome.. lucky him :) lol

anyway, after a week with my mom i am feeling much better and back at work.. where i'm extremely behind.. so i better get back to that.

thanks for all the love and prayers during sickness :)

Happy Anniversary Andy!

2009-09-23T10:16:00.001-07:00

Today is andy and i's anniversary. i am the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life. he's a fabulous fiance and he truly is my best friend. he just sent me flowers like a week ago, so i wasn't expecting anything today for our anniversary.. but sure enough, i got red roses and chocolates!! yummm! if i'd known this was coming, i would've tried to look presentable.. sorry my ugly mug ruins the pics.. but i LOVED my surprise :)

i love you andy! i can't wait to be your wife!

the good wife

2009-09-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

last night i couldn't sleep.. as usual.. so i ended up watching "the good wife" on cbs. i had no intention of watching this show b/c it's really hard for me to watch any show or movie that shows men cheating on women.. it just brings up painful memories. but, i watched it none-the-less. i was actually really glad i watched it.

so often i see these political men being caught in scandal with prostitutes, younger women, or in the case of south carolina - a woman from another country!? i always sit there mumbling how pathetic and stupid these men are! i mean do they honestly think they won't be caught? "stupid! selfish! naive! jerk!" run through my mind as i reach into my bag of bugles and eat my emotions of anger toward them and all cheating men away. anyway, the fact of the matter is that i NEVER think of the wife or the children. i'm always so focused on hating the politician, i never think of the other people who's lives are ruined.

this show brought that reality to the forefront. i was amazed by it! the wife, who has to stay strong and pretend as though nothing has happened. the children who are teased at school and see footage of their fathers cheating on you tube. i mean, i thought i was humiliated when i was cheated on and only my friends, family and facebook viewers knew about it. imagine being on a national stage?! knowing that everywhere you went ppl were looking at you thinking, "you pathetic woman, why are you still with him?" when in reality, they're human beings. they stay with these men for their children. or, if they don't stay with their men they're labeled as unloyal.. both situations are extremely sad for the wife. and the children!? imagine, as if the high school mockings and rumor wheels aren't bad enough on their own! add to it that everyone knows exactly what your father has done.

i'm not sure if it was my usual odd connection to women on tv who are going through something similar to what i've dealt with.. or if it was terrific acting.. but it really hit home to me. this woman goes back to work, has to sell her home, has to comfort her children, visit her husband in jail.. all the while staying prim and propper in the site of the public. standing beside a man who she trusted and loved for 15 years as he makes a public statement admitting to sleeping with prostitutes/other women/maids/etc. and she's just standing there - we've all seen the press conferences - not going jerry springer on the man, not yelling obscenities, not crying.. just standing their strong, dignified.

at one point he says to her: "after the trial, it will all go back to normal." she responds, in the most powerful voice.."peter, it's never going back to normal." that line really hit me. it's so often that i find myself in situations trying to believe that it will all be over with.. but how often is something really over with? how often do we actually go back to normal?

the line that struck me the most in the show came when a man told the wife that she was becoming collateral damage.. her quote back was astounding. she said, "the moment you leaked that tape to the press and caused me to shield my children from every single tv station 24 hours a day was the day i became collateral damage." i wish i had the exact quote, because it was so powerful. to imagine a woman going through such a thing is fascinating to me.

anyway, i love the show! it was eye opening, for sure.

Happy Birthday Lexie

2009-09-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

here's the picture of the cutie at her birthday party.. that i couldn't be at :(

i absolutely LOVE my niece lexie. she is amazing. she is the most fashionable, sweet, smart and artistic little girl in the world. she is turning 7 today.. how that's possible, i don't know!! she's absolutely stunningly beautiful, and i consider her one of my best friends. i wish i could be there for her birthday. happy birthday lexie lou!!!!! i love you and will always be here for you!

Multiplicity of life experiences

2009-09-17T06:48:00.000-07:00

I am constantly amazed by the multiplicity of life experienced presented to me on a daily basis. Today I had the most frustrating conversation with a man – we’ll call him matt. He is on the board of education for the school district I work for, so indirectly he is my boss. B/c of this fact.. I held a majority of what I wanted to say to my self.. but here’s a recap of the conversation.

Matt: Did you guys hear about that guy who called Obama a liar?
Me: Yeah, I did hear about it.
Matt: I’m so sick of Obama being disrespected b/c of his race.
Me: well, I don’t think the representative yelled out like that b/c of any race issue.
Matt: are you kidding me?! of course it was b/c his race.
Me: So what bothered you.. what made it disrespectful? the fact that the man said it to the president, he said it to another human being in general or the fact that he said it to a black man?
Matt: B/c he said it to the President.
Me: Well, I had to watch countless hours of C-Span in college, and senators and reporters called President Bush an idiot, ridiculous, crazy and much worst to his face. Was that wrong?
Matt: No, b/c those things were true. Obama isn’t a liar. You wouldn’t get it, trust me. (He’s seemingly angry at me at this point.. why, I have no idea?!)
Me: Why wouldn’t I get it?
Matt: b/c you’ve never been through the hardships obama and I have gone through. You just grew up in your little rich, blonde bubble in ohio. You don’t get what it would be like to go through all of that and then be called a liar like that. It’s horrible. It’s torture.
Me: Ok. Well I’m sorry you feel like that (NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY!?)
Matt: (at this point he see's my BYU diploma in my office) What are you anyway? What religion? (why does this matter at this point!?)
Me: I’m a Christian; I’m mormon.
Matt: Ugh, the only thing worse than a mormon is a catholic. (he is the second person to tell me this since I’ve been in north Carolina.)
Me: Ok. Well I’m sorry you feel like that. Have a good day, Matt. (AGAIN NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY?!?!)

I want to start by saying that anyone who judges someone or treats them differently based off of their skin color is wrong. We are all equal in Gods eyes – this I am certain. He loves us all the same – despite what we look like – and we should all strive to do the same with all those we come in contact with. That being said, I’d like to say that when people judge me because I am white, that too is racism. Why, because I’m a blonde, white woman who went to a private university, did this man assume I grew up rich in ohio? In fact, I did not. I grew up in a middle-class family, and I’ve worked for everything I have. The only reason I was able to go to a private university was through scholarships and good grades – all of which weren’t handed to me- I worked EXTREMELY hard for it all. I can tell you for a fact that there are millions of white people poorer than me, but I can also tell you that there are millions of black people who are richer than my family. To me, him assuming that of me is racist. It’s no less racist than people assuming stereotypes of African Americans, Hispanics, Native Americans or Asians. It is the exact same. Not all black Americans have been through immaculate hardships. Not all white Americans have had a life of charm and prestige. I’m sorry if saying this means I am a racist. I’m not. I know President Bush wasn’t perfect. But I also believe that it was just as wrong for people to yell out insults at him – and never were these insults headline news like this President Obama thing has become.

I believe as the President, there should be an element of respect when you are addressing them – regardless of their skin color. But even deeper than that, I think any and every human being deserves an element of respect when you are addressing them. To me that includes all those of any religion, race, age or sex. We are all Children of God. We should all be valued, loved and respected. I don’t think the race, religion, age or sex aspects of any human should be taken advantage of or flaunted. They shouldn’t be the reason someone gets anything or doesn’t get anything.

I’d also like to say, that I’m not perfect. I’m sure I’ve unfairly judged those around me.. but it is something I strive not to do. Change is a process, not an event.. engaging in the process is the purpose of life.

Anyway, I’m clearly frustrated on this matter. He did bring up one point to my mind, however. I want to state clearly that I know I grew up extremely lucky. I never needed or wanted anything. I had all I could ever ask for. I pay tribute to my parents and acknowledge my debt to them for all of their love and support both financially and emotionally.

tv, how you mesmerize me

2009-09-17T05:43:00.000-07:00

last night i was super bored, so i thought i'd try to watch some tv to pass the time.

first, i saw america's got talent on. the whole point of the show is to prove that we have talent right here in our own country. why, then, are 2 of the 3 judges not from america? and why, then, were 3 of the guest performers last night from other countries?
doesn't quite make sense to me.

then, i watched glee. this show is simply HILARIOUS! i put my favorite one-liners below. but, you really have to watch it!! watching some of the musical numbers brings the most laughs! catch up, watch the show! http://www.hulu.com/watch/95842/glee-acafellas

"who is josh groben?!?! kill yourself! josh groben is an angel sent from heaven to deliver platnum albums to us."

"the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring"

"he's here! he's here! josh groben is here. cute as a buttermilk biscut, he's here!"

"it's ok.. my father took my baby away after he found my collection of tiara's in my hope chest."

"have you ever kissed anyone?"
"yes. if by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow."

"every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion."

ps the night before jordan won big brother. i was sooo excited for her! as always, i feel like she is my actual friend. i cried tears of joy b/c i was so excited for her :)

CELEBRITY: Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley Split! Does this mean she'll have more man-hating songs?! i hope so. i want everyone to find love and happiness.. but i love her music when she hates men.. so this should be good.. for me, not her.

so lucky!

2009-09-15T10:16:00.000-07:00

first, if you're wondering, i did cry when i read about patrick swayze passing away. i pray for his family and close friends.

last night was the best surprise ever! andy continues to out-do himself. i was stressed from a long day at work, and i talked to my mom the entire commute home. i pulled in the driveway and walked out the mailbox. as i was doing this, andy poked his head out the door and then went back inside. i told my mom this and she said, "hmm, he's up to something." boy was she right!

i walked in the the house was completely spotless. a love cd was playing and the most amazing dinner was prepared.. with all of my favorites! he even made banana pudding from scratch for me :) he'd drawn me a bath and had candles everywhere.. it was amazing! it was literally the nicest, sweetest, most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. he even made place mats out of cardboard in red heart shapes. soo cute.. i love him :)

why me?

2009-09-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

sooo.. i'm really getting frustrated with myself lately. i don't get how or why i get so emotionally connected to things that really i have no concern in. i cry every single time i watch the last episode of real world when people are saying goodbye to eachother. i cry when i see a commercial about a mother's love. i cry when i see an animal being hurt or killed. i cry when girls cry on reality shows. i cry when ohio state loses football games (which is way too often). i cry when i see people being mean to eachother. i mean this isn't normal. i cried when i watched the britney spears documentary. i cry when i read articles about jennifer aniston not being able to find love. i cry watching old episodes of newlyweds b/c i'm so sad they got a divorce. i don't know any of these people. i have no personal connection to any of them. why, then do i cry? not just cry, it effects me for weeks. i think about them as though i know them. i just wish i wasn't like that. ppl close to me say i should love that i'm like this. they say it's so great to have compassion for others. but i hate it. it gets so old.. i can't even enjoy my life b/c i'm crying and feeling sad for ppl who i have nothing to do with. ugh.

don't get me started on how often i cry thinking about ppl i actually do know!

KANYE WEST: I absolutely despise this man. i don't care how great his music is.. although i've only liked 2 songs of his. i don't care. why does he think his agenda and his opinions are more important than anyone elses? he's always doing this. his little outbursts are selfish and disgusting. poor taylor swift wins an award.. it's not like she picked herself over beyonce. why does he need to punish her? how'd he get up there? he's a sore loser. he's disgusting. he's pathetic. i remember when he stormed out b/c he didn't win. it's annoying. i don't get why he .. among other celebrities when it comes to politics.. think that their opinion should be more valued than those of an every day citizen. i don't care if kanye thinks that taylor shouldn't have won. i really don't care. he had no right to do that. see for yourself, he does this crap all the time. http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2009/sep/14/kanye-west-taylor-swift-timeline how do people still respect him?

OSU: so, i just want to say that i NEVER thought i'd see the day when BYU and boise state would be above OSU in a football poll. it makes me feel ill in many ways. i'm getting so sick of tressel. his play calling is so conservative and predictable. i blame him for our loss to usc this week. i really do.

ANDY: my weekend with andy was fabulous, as always. he put up chain locks and new curtains in order to help keep me safe while he is away. we had so much fun together :) oh, and we bought our first kitchen table :)!!! it's sooo cute.. pics to come :)

scary, scary

2009-09-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

Something very odd is going on at and around my home. First of all, me neighbor is a straight up drug dealer. He’s open about his profession.. and the ppl that are coming to his place during the day scare me. a lot. yep, he lives to the left of me. now, on the right of me is the WEIRDEST man alive. i'm half certain he is a serial killer. he lives alone.. and NEVER has any visitors. he always backs in his driveway, and every single time he comes home he takes a big bag out of his trunk (perhaps with a body in it?!) he has curly hair and often times he wears an exercise band in it - picture richard simmons. i live right on a lake, and there is a canal behind our houses. he could easily be dropping bodies in there. for real. that aside, the following has happened recently.. causing me to be extremely scared for my young life.

Sunday about 8 p.m. - someone knocked at my door. i was working out in only a sports bra, so i ran to my room and put on a t-shirt. when i opened the door no one was there and no one was around.

That night i had a lot of trouble sleeping. at 2 a.m. i heard the strangest chain of events. behind my house is a garage owned by my landlord. it has no windows and it is bolted up. he's a very odd man in an of himself. but most importantly, he has a VERY distinct voice. he has this deep, russianish new yorker voice. anyway, it's 2 a.m. and i hear him with two other men, and a woman. she is crying and keeps asking "why?" the men keep telling her to shut up, and they are yelling cuss words at her. i heard some banging around and then the garage door shut. when it opened again, i heard only the men. the women was no longer there.. at least that i could hear.. the men were seemingly arguing about something. but i don't know what b/c they were speaking another language. joe, my landlord, is from russia so that's not weird. needless to say i was scared out of my mind!! the next morning was a holiday. joe called me at 7 a.m. he never calls me. ever. he was asking me all sorts of weird questions. he wondered if andy was down for the weekend, if i'd seen or heard anything strange yesterday, if i'd seen my neighbors, etc. i lied b/c i was so scared that he really was trying to figure out if i'd heard him with this woman the night before. i told him everything was normal. i hadn't seen or heard anything unusual.

tuesday when i left for work there were police men outside looking around. others had heard this woman screaming and they were investigating. when i got home from work i did laundry. i don't have a dryer yet so i put my clothes on a line. the line goes from my home to the garage. i was sure to not hang my underwear up out there, just b/c i think that's weird. i looked twice to be sure i left no underwear. after that, i took a bath. while i was in the bath listening to a love CD andy made me, i heard a banging noise. i turned the music down, stood up and wrapped a towel around myself. i got dressed and went outside (a move andy was FURIOUS about. he said i should NEVER leave the house in a situation like this). but i did. and there i saw that someone had knocked over my bicycle that was up in front of the bathroom window. i think someone was spying on me in the tub. this was extremely creepy. i lost my breath to see my bike down like that. my towels had also been moved on the line as though someone moved them to get through to get to the window. i was EXTREMELY freaked out. that night i slept cuddled up on the floor with a knife and two cans of mace beside me.

thursday (yesterday) i went out to check on my clothes on the line. my clothes were still wet. i looked down and a pair of my underwear were on the ground. a pair of underwear i am CERTAIN that i had hanging on my closest handle. i'm certain b/c i looked at this that morning and considered wearing them to work. i didn't b/c they were red and my skirt was white. somehow those underwear went from my closet door to the ground outside my home. how, i have no idea.

at that point i was freaked out. i was scared to death.. beyond death. luckily andy was on his way for the weekend. i called the cops this morning, and thy asked me to write a detailed description on all that has been happening. i did. andy is making my house safe today.. i'm not sure how b/c i haven't been home yet.. but i hope he does a miraculous job. pray for me. i'm scared.

football predictions

2009-09-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

florida by 21
texas by 28
usc (sorry.. i just have to be realistic)by 10.. i hope and pray it's not more)
alabama by 14
oklahoma state by 17
penn state by 21
byu by 21
cal by 10
boise state by 21
oklahoma by 7
virginia tech by 21
virginia by 14
utah by 17
michigan by 3
north carolina by 7
georgia by 21
nebraska by 14 (and can i just say i'm so excited that nebraska doesn't suck anymore. they're finally back!! YAY)
cinncinnati by 10
kanses by 7
missouri by 14

help me

2009-09-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

ok, so i need your help ladies. for my wedding, i want to look like a celebrity on the red carpet. i want my skin to glow.. how do they get their skin to do that?! i know i shouldn't complain, b/c i have a super clear complexion.. which makes me super lucky.. but i want more. i want glow like the pics below. HELP ME :)

this weekend

2009-09-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend Andy is coming down, and I couldn't be more excited! I absolutely LOVE when he is here with me b/c he is literally the most helpful man ever! My mom called him "handy andy" b/c he knows how to do everything.. and he's willing to do it without a single complaint! i have never dated anyone who was seriously so multi-talented. andy can cook, clean, fix cars, fix any machinery, build anything and everything, fix anything and everything, be completely romantic, watch football with me, watch chickflicks with me.. he literally can do it all, and the crazy thing is -- he does it all well!! and i mean really well!

this week i was having a horrible day. the next thing i knew andy had sent me flowers.. which he's always doing. i opened the card and it said "i will love you until these flowers live no longer." my excitement went to sadness. he was going to leave me after they died!?!? i immediately began thinking of ever type of plant food. i called him to thank him, but i said i was a little hurt by the card. with a little laugh he told me to look closer. one of the flowers was fake.. therefore, it will never die. i teared up. he is perfect. i love him so much. i am the luckiest woman in the world. last time he was here he spent all day fixing my car, which had been randomly dying constantly.. and my air conditioning wasn't working (which in north carolina summers was TORTURE). after working all day, he had fixed it all! saving me hundreds of dollars! and he didn't complain. not only that, but when i got home from work he'd cleaned my entire house and made me dinner. he made pot pies from scratch and some of my other favorite treats. who can do that?!!?! i'll tell you who - my future husband.

photo proof

2009-09-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

i told you all about my weekend with the best behaved child in the world, caden. here are some pics of us.

my whole life, i've wanted a square cut diamond engagement ring. i never could've imagined a more perfect ring for me, though. andy picked it out all by himself!!

andy also got me this necklace for my birthday. i'd always wanted one like this. he's amazing.

friendship

2009-09-09T10:10:00.001-07:00

hello, hello!

so today i've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a friend.. and even more a best friend. i'm so jealous of those people who have the same best friend their whole life. really, i am. i'd say that is the one main thing i hated about byu. i had no chance of staying best friends with anyone from high school and then after college, i had no chance of staying best friends with my friends from there.. all because of distance. i know that there are always phone calls and/or email and/or facebook.. but it just isn't the same. i feel like one week turns into one month.. then one month into 6 months, and the next thing you know.. you don't even know the person you once spent every waking moment with. i miss my best friends dearly. and i'm always wondering if they miss me. i just don't get how you go from literally knowing everything about someone, to knowing nothing.

for example, jenna was one of my best friends in college. she was there for me through things that not even my family was there for me with. we laughed and cried so many countless hours together. we literally spent every weekend together. we passed on dates at the chance to hang out and go movie hopping together. after college, i moved to nyc and she moved back home to idaho. we'd talk occasionally, and she even came to see me in nyc once. as soon as we were together it was back like old times and amazing! then, jenna met her husband. she'd always told me that when she met guys she totally forgot about her friends.. but at byu she'd never dated anyone seriously.. so i'd never seen this side of her. but then i found myself in columbus, calling her all the time and never hearing back from her. i even flew out west to see her, and she didn't come see me because she had dinner plans with him. from there it went downhill. i literally never heard from her. and she turned into someone who she'd always claimed to hate. she said she'd never have a wedding reception, she had to have a huge rock, and she'd never marry anyone without knowing them a year.. all of those things didn't come true. more than that, she just didn't have time for me anymore. no calls. no emails. no facebook chat... no anything. in december i was going through a hard time - she didn't seem to care. all she wanted to talk about was her wedding and her new life.. now i have no idea where she is or if she even got married. she got rid of facebook, and her old number is no longer hers. it breaks my heart that she just dumped me out of her life. i don't think my description of our friendship was even close to accurate. we literally did everything together. we got eachother. we loved and hated the same things. we had the same sense of humor. and after 4 years of being inseparable.. we're nothing.

i see on facebook a lot of ppl from high school are still best friends with the same people and i'm so envious. there's nothing like having that person who you can talk with.. laugh with.. cry with.. but it's not just that - they know you. they know your history. they know what's bothering you without you even saying it. there's something that can't replace going through life-changing events together. distance changes friendships.. especially if you're life is like mine. in college i worked full time, took a full course load and maintained a 4.0 (why i have no idea!?). any extra moment i had for phone calls was devoted to my family, whom was growing and changing without me. when i would come home, i was desperate to see my nephews and nieces who were growing up, and i was so scared they'd forget me. and so.. friendships dimmed. inside jokes faded. phone calls became more scarce. seeing eachother became more awkward and more seemingly scripted.and now i see the same thing happening with my byu friends. even worse, my columbus friends are beginning to forget me. thousands of miles will do that i suppose. but i hate it. i cherish the memories i have with my old best friends. and i pray that they at least cherish them as well. i've gotten to the point where i've realized that it's ok to look at the past and be grateful for what people have done for you-- but also to realize that sometimes people aren't in your life forever.. even when you were so certain they would be.

long, lonely weekend

2009-09-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

i had a really bizarre weekend this week. it was a three day weekend, so it should've been heaven.. but it just wasnt.

on friday, i found myself super lonely and sad. it's so hard being away from andy and my family and friends. andy was on his way to missouri for a wedding he was in, and i was so jealous of all the people who got to spend so much time with him. i'm not a fan of his bf who rode with him.. and that didn't help. then - for some unknown reason - my tv wasn't getting any channels. not a single one! so there i sat on a friday night with no tv, no internet and nothing to do. it was seriously one of the loneliest nights i've ever had.

saturday was my brother and his girlfriend carmen's anniversary. so i offered to watch her son, caden for the night. i went to pick him up around 3. caden is a cutie and literally the best behaved child i've ever known! i packed up his little toy story bag and out the door we went. we went to walmart first. i am so amazed by the attention a cute baby gets! everyone was tickling him and complimenting us. ppl kept saying - "you look great for having a kid!" i thought, is that a compliment? i haven't actually had a child.. so does that mean i'm fat.. or what does that mean? i have no idea! i brought caden to the little tots isle and asked him what he wanted for dinner. he pointed at a little ravioli thing. when my phone rang and played disturbia, he started dancing. it was soo cute. well anyway, we got back to my apartment, watched spongebob, i gave him a bubble bath, changed his diaper like 4 times and eventually i laid him down for bed. i assumed he would throw a fit, but instead he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "night, night." seriously the best behaved child in the universe! the next morning we went on a 4 mile walk in his stroller. then to his favorite - mcdonalds :). it was really nice to have him there. he was so sweet and loving. i really loved having him there.

that night was a little lonlier than friday night. andy was now at my sister julies on his drive home. i was insanely jealous. i miss them both so much, and they were having so much fun! they went to see the arch and hung out.. i cried for like an hour.

monday was an alright day. i drove to wilmington to do some shopping. i need shoes badly. i hate buying tennis shoes. i literally could buy 3 pairs of heels with what tennis shoes cost - and heels look waaay better. i did come accross a FABULOUS realization. i can wear child's size shoes! that saved me 50 bucks on nike shocks. what happened next is still odd to me. i was buying some lingerie and i was carded?!?!? i was unaware that there was an age to buy underwear.. i'm still confused! after that i wanted to go to a craft store to look at some wedding stuff. on my way to find a craft store i found the mother ship -- a book store :)!! and guess what i found!? LA Candy. I have an obsession with Lauren Conrad. Seriously. i've watched her since laguna beach. i think that's why i'm obsessed with her, i watched her grow up so for some reason i feel as though we are actually friends. aside from that, i seriously think she is the prettiest woman on the planet!! anyway, i've been wanting to read her book and now i can :) i have it. i'll give you updates on how the book is coming.

anyway, that was my weekend. it was lonely, but it also helped me to realize that i am so blessed to have andy. he is everything to me. i am so absolutely in love with him.

CELEBRITY VENT: i am extremely confused about the chris brown/rihanna thing. first of all, why is everyone going on as though nothing happened? he says he's sorry as though he ran over a pet.. not hit a woman. and rihanna's reaction is equally as confusing. she should be going around discussing how this sort of behavior is UNACCEPTABLE. instead, she asked the judge to ease up on brown's sentencing. why?! how!? come on?!?! i saw that a local man was put in jail for 30 days because he stole too many kethcup packets from the local mcdonalds. but chris brown beat a woman and received no jail time. sickening. really sickening.

ARTICLE: i wrote this article for my job. it was on the front page. it's such a great story. the even greater story was what i couldn't write in the paper out of respect for this girl's family. in reality, her family of 14 lives in a tiny trailer that doesn't have a ceiling. her parents don't speak english. she believes that working in walmart is the highest achievement. her accomplishment really was tremendous. i was extremely annoyed b/c the paper cut my article to pieces.. but here was what was left of it. http://whiteville.com/articles/2009/09/04/news/doc4aa08001e36c0801769765.txt

photo shop..

2009-09-08T10:36:00.001-07:00

so i love photoshop! a lot! i did some pics on it today that i love.

osu football

2009-09-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to say much on this matter. i will say this - i am so sick of tressel! his play calling is pathetically predictable! and why did he take pryor out on saturday? it wasn't a scrimmage. it was a game. and you don't take your gb out when he needs to get prepared for what inevitably will be a severe massacre against usc.

also, i am not now nor will i ever be a band wagon fan, but i have to give props to BYU football. i was utterly SHOCKED that they won that game.

already a funny story

2009-09-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

So, i somehow forgot to put negatives about new york.. maybe subconsciously that's telling me something.. but there were some --
Negatives: EXTREMELY expensive, i felt lonely a lot - even in a city of millions, the subway - it was so GROSS!

Funny story:
I was in the parking lot this morning, and I saw this girl in her car pulled off to the side of the road and she crying. So I walked over and asked her if she was ok. It turned out that she wasn't from the area and late for an interview, and she was completely lost and her cell phone had died so she had no way to call and get directions. So, I let her use my phone and tried to explain to her how to get to the building she needed to go to (FYI, I ended up getting in the car and riding with her to her destination). In the meantime, she is still parked going the wrong way in a one way and people are getting very angry. They are yelling things, honking, flipping me off, etc. These were expected reactions I suppose, but what I didn't expect was for a woman to pull up beside me, roll down her window, and throw Cheetos at me. Not the crunchy ones, but puffs. That, in my opinion, was hilarious.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS:

Utah by 14

Boise state by 10

Ohio state by 21

Penn state by 17

Iowa by 21

Georgia tech by 21

Notre dame by 10

Georgia by 7

Usc by 28

n. Carolina by 14

Nebraska by 21

Florida by 21

Oklahoma by 17

Kansas by 10

Texas by 21

Alabama by 3

Cal by 14

LSU by 21

Mississippi by 7

Miami by 3

engagement pics

2009-09-02T13:20:00.000-07:00

i have about a month before andy and i get our engagement pics taken. i'm getting pretty nervous. i need to figure out outfits and poses. i don't want us to look like senior pics gone cheesy. any ideas?

below are the main positives and negatives of each place i've lived this last year or so.

1. Provo, Utah
Positive: Friends, friends, friends and having the opportunity to have my testimony strengthened daily
Negatives: Weather, judgemental people out the wazoo.. oh, and remember when i couldn't take my test in the testing center because i had a hole in my jeans on my knee? or how about my guy experiences there? remember my date where the date was a guy bringing me to a hair sallon b/c my long hair made my face look "fat."

2. New York City
Positive: Broadway (i miss soo much. rent was my fav. followed by legally blonde) I also miss seeing Tanya and T. Peng each day. And, honestly, I miss writing for Newsweek... at least there ppl actually read my stuff.

3. Beverly, Ohio
Positive: There is no place like home. My parents and family mean the whole world to me. Everything is slow paced and relaxing.. oh, and I LOVE the green trees :)
Negatives: It's difficult to live over 30 minutes from a mall for me.

4. Columbus, Ohio
Positive: I lived 10 minutes from Easton. Enough said. I also loved having a singles ward so close with an institute class.. the result of that wasn't the best (a boy).. but the spiritual part was amazing. I was also super skinny in Columbus b/c of downtown parking I had to walk 6 miles a day.
Negatives: Hmmm, honestly I loved Columbus. If only i could have andy, the job i have now and somehow insert that into the life i had in columbus.

5. Tabor City, North Carolina
Positive: I loved living with my brother, he's hilarious.
Negatives: Again.. way too far from a mall or movie theater.

6. Lake Waccamaw, North Carolina
Positive: I LOVE my home. i LOVE my memories with andy there. it's close to my work and super close to the beach :)
Negatives: BUGS. i literally have seen the grosses, biggest bugs EVER. YUCK one literally was this long I------------------------------------------I.

I'd like to tell you all about my formal secretary.
1. she couldn't run copies.
2. she couldn't transfer calls.
3. she couldn't make appointments on my behalf.
4. she called me fat daily.
5. every hour for 20 minutes she was gone to take a smoke break
6. she made fun of me daily

anywho.. b/c of budgets she was located. HORRAY. now my secretary Nadine is amazing :)

daily vent

2009-09-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

so today i'm really starting to look into wedding dress ideas. i finally found a woman who is willing to help me create my perfect idea of a wedding dress. the only problem is that i don't have the perfect idea. i just don't want to look like every single other bride. also, i've been thinking about hair options. i really want to wear my hair down b/c it's long.. but at the same time, i'd really like to wear a hair vine.. they're totally my style. the girls i've seen wear them, however, are like supermodels, and i'm so afraid that i wouldn't be able to pull it off. what do you all think?

on to college football. i hate tebow. i am secretly trying to pull off some way of going tanya harding on him.

please pray for osu against usc. as long as no one walks off the field with fewer limbs, our prayers will have been answered.

lately i've been applying to jobs back in ohio. it's where andy and i hope to end up. but i'm here to tell you, that it is not the time to be looking for a dang job! i've applied to several, and i don't even hear back. i'd prefer an email rejection to nothing.

funny story: my niece lexie asked me if i was excited for my wedding. i said yea.. but i'm also nervous. she looked at me with the CUTEST look and said, "Oh, your nervous for the kiss?"

Isn't her innocence ADORABLE?!

quick celebrity vent: i'm trying sooo hard not to like miley cyrus. i think she is completely inappropriate for her age. i almost cried when i saw her pole dancing on the teen choice awards.. i was just praying lexie wasn't watching and getting ideas of a new profession. lol. and her little naked pics scarred me.. i especially was weirded out by her little cuddle session with her father in a picture. but gosh darn it, i love her songs! i loved her whole first CD and now i love party in the usa. what's wrong with me?

last vent: there is this old man that i work with who is a total pervert. i'm not joking, he says the MOST inapproriate things on earth. today he told me a story about a time when he slept with 9 women in one night. he asked me if he did that again if i'd like to be the 10th. tell me again why i don't sue this school district and live off of the profits for the rest of my life?

wedding..wedding..wedding

2009-09-01T12:54:00.000-07:00

A lot of people keep asking me about my fiance, Andy. So, I'd like to quickly write our story. it has to be quickly b/c i'm actually in a meeting pretending to take notes.

andy and i met the summer after my senior year in high school. we were at a summer camp, and we really did have so much fun! then i went to byu, and we sort of went our separate ways. after college i moved to nyc and worked for newsweek. then i moved to columbus and worked for the columbus dispatch. while in columbus, andy and i started talking a lot on facebook. after columbus dispatch had layoffs and i couldn't find a job to save my life, i was going through a really sad time. andy was completely there for me :)

when i moved down here to n.c. andy came to visit me for his spring break. and what was a best friend turned into a love interest.. then a boyfriend.. and now my fiance. andy truley is the best thing that's ever happened to me. he is the sweetest guy i've ever met, and he is so, so well rounded. he's patient, kind, smart and most importantly.. he loves sports as much as i do :) the only issue is that he's a bengals and reds fan - yuck. lol

anyway, andy is an architect, and he is extremely successful. i'm amazed by his many talents. just yesterday he spent all day fixing my car -which no guy i've ever known could've done- and then he made me dinner. he is amazing, and i love him so, so much!

if only planning a wedding didn't suck TREMENDOUSLY. anyone wanna help with that?

Ok, ok here I am..

2009-09-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

So, in the last year I've lived in five different places. And, I am a writer.. but I haven't written about anywhere I've lived. This doesn't seem to make sense to everyone I know.. so I'm going to start writing!

First, I'd like to tell a tale of the most hilarious beach trip I've ever known. Last weekend my family came down for a weekend. I begged and begged them to come because lets face it - there is no love like a families love. My mom, dad, lexie and b-bop traveled down half-way thursday, and I saw them Friday. They came to my office around 2 p.m. As they came in the door, I totally started crying. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how much I truly missed them! Lexie and B were mesmerized by my office. Mainly, Brenden wanted to know why i didn't have a fridge like on tommy boy.. which made me laugh. Lexie's main concern was that there wasn't a full length mirror. She said she had read that stripes make you look fat.. this is a 6 year old ppl!

As we were sitting there, my "If You Seek Amy" ring tone rang aloud. My mom gave me a lecture about how she had read that it's rude to have your phone on that loud at work - she's probably right. In fact, my 90-year-old secretary always tells me that she hates that i support britney spears.

anyway, we went to my house and hung out for awhile. then, we went to my brother's football game. it was a lot of fun - but then again what football game isn't? when brenden saw the team that my brother's team was playing he said .. "um, there are only 2 white guys, we should start praying." lol. he was right. my brother's team was killed.

the next day we woke up early to go to the beach. after picking my brother up, we were on our way. we had heard that because of hurricanes the waves were huge - and that wasn't a lie. i was honestly scared for my life. my brother and brenden went out on their little boards, and lexie and i started our way into the ocean. all of a sudden i saw this huge wave coming. i grabbed lexie's hand and turned my back to the wave. the wave crashed into me, which was fine, but after it continued forward i felt oddly cold. i looked down to notice that my bottoms were no longer on. I grabbed them from around my ankles and pulled them up. i was mortified. as i looked around my brother was laughing hysterically and claimed that he was scarred for life. i looked at lexie, who was in front of me, and with the cutest, most innocent face she said, "i saw your tot." i died laughing, and i was so, so embarrassed.

eventually my dad came out into the water. picture him in his white shirt, shorts and odd looking hat. as we were in the water enjoying the waves, i had the oddest thought. i looked at my dad and asked, "are mermaids real?" the look on my dad's face was PRICELESS. he didn't even respond. all of a sudden, another huge wave was coming. i managed to keep my bottoms on, but i noticed that my dad was falling. i tried to grab his hand, but he was swept away.. going oddly fast. i ran up to try to help him up when all of a sudden he fell down on what i eventually discovered was a man. my dad had rode an Australian man swimming under the wave for about 15 feet. the Australian looked very concerned and out of breath as he hadn't been able to come up for air with my father on top of him. he apologized to my dad, in which my dad responded - "i feel like i should pay you for the ride." i laughed so hard i got a better work out than if i'd done a set of 100 on my ab roller.

the beach had other adventures. a crab latched on my toe, lexie smacked my butt and started singing "i've gotta big but and i cannot lie.." etc. But mainly, it was the best of the best. i was in heaven with my family.